Monday, May 12, 2014

Thoughts from a Reluctant Mom

* (Note: This is a past blog that was originally published on "Uniquely Yours Ministry Blog") *

Hey there friends! So great to be back here with you on Kerrington's wonderful Blog.  As you may have already guessed, I'll be talking to you today about Momma Life in celebration of Mother's Day (which in my opinion, should come at least once a month! hint hint, nudge nudge to all of you Father's reading).

When I was asked to write about this topic, you may be surprised to know that I had absolutely no idea where to start (and truth be told...I'm still feeling my way around as I type even now. ha ha).  I blame this in part on my placenta brain (did I mention, I'm pregnant with #3 right now?), but I think the greater reason would be due to the vast importance of a mother and all of the responsibility, challenges, and joys that come with that title.

It now shames me to say it, but as a teenager and even into my mid twenties it was never really my "dream" to be a mom, let alone a stay-at-home mom.  I had always looked on that title as a poor excuse to stay at home and relax while the rest of the world worked at "real" jobs.  When I saw mothers in stores with 4 children or (*gasp*) even more I would immediately classify them in a group I liked to call the "Crazy Van People", and I would think "that will never be me!".  (I'm pretty sure this is why God doesn't paint the whole picture in advance).

Well fast forward to a strong-willed four year old boy, a dramatic two year old diva, and baby number three on the way, and not only have I made the change from working mom with my first child, to stay-at-home mom after my second, but before the end of the year I am also joining the "Crazy Van People" Club.  Talk about eating my words, right?  (I'm sure God had a good laugh over my plans).

So what have I learned about my assumptions since wearing the title "mom"?  A lot.  I've learned a lot.  Such as firstly, how unbelievably wrong and naive I was to think that being a mom was not a real job.  I've experienced many challenging times in my life, from personal and marriage, to friendships, school, college, and careers, however none have been as challenging or rewarding, and caused me to grow as much as being a mom has.

I always say that being a parent is like holding up a mirror to myself because children are the most demanding and selfish little people you will encounter...and rightfully so...they don't know otherwise yet...they just speak what they think.  (If you don't have children you may think I'm being cruel here, but trust me...one day you'll know!  I say it in love for them, and I'm even laughing as I think of the crazy things my kids have done or said that are so ridiculously selfish you have to turn away to hide the laughter.)  On way too many occasions God has shown me my own selfishness reflected in my response to my children's demands for my constant attention, assistance, and time.  The giving and serving can't just be turned off like a tap when you are a parent; kids don't filter when you are tired, grumpy, or busy...and it has shown me how easily I can switch out of serving-mode and into self-serving mode.  At these times, I am so grateful for Christ's forgiveness and grace to strengthen me when I least want to serve, and I am left in awe at the way Jesus continually selflessly served during His time on earth, regardless of how tired He was.

That being said, I have also learned much about a child's ability to love, to forgive quickly, and to forget.  Again, this has been a mirror to me; it amazes me the times that I've messed up, being too quick to an angry response and too slow to apologize, to see how willingly and easily they embrace me and say "it's okay mom" when I've come in tears, sorrowful for my behavior.  It causes me to ask myself, "am I that quick to forgive, to forget, to understand and embrace another when they have wronged me?"  I can only pray that I will be.

Although I can still struggle with feeling significant in those hum-drum days when nothing spectacular happens, it is a process that I am working through, and the more that I find my significance in who I am rather than what I do, the less this struggle has power over me.  I am realizing more and more that I am of value and importance because of how God views me, and as I become secure in that I am free to be a better mom because my worth isn't dependent on how well I "perform" and my children are learning that mistakes (both mine, and theirs) can be valuable lessons.

I'm so happy to say that this past week, although I was sad that I had to miss out on a conference with my husband, I took joy in knowing that I was right where I was supposed to be, loving the responsibility I've been entrusted with, and making an impact on the people who are the most important in my life ...the sweet one's who call me "Momma".

Happy Mother's Day to all of you fabulous Mother's out there - you make a difference, you are valuable, and you are worth celebrating.  Don't forget to take a few moments out of your weekend to let those special women know how loved and appreciated they are. (We love to hear it! Flowers are never a bad idea either) ;)

♥ Crystal

Thursday, May 1, 2014

The Art of Rest

So I know you must be wondering where I've been for the past two weeks.  Wandering the globe on some fantastical tour...doing big busy important business....ignoring my beloved blog readers.  The answer somewhat sadly, is none of the above (although I would never take joy in ignoring you my faithful readers, just to set the record straight).  No, the answer I'm afraid, is much simpler.  Amongst the regular routine of life, the real reason for my absence is: sleep.


Yes, I have been sleeping me life away like a little baby.  Quite pathetic really if it weren't for the fact that my tiredness is due to my body being hard at work creating a little life.  There ya go...the big news...for those of you who didn't already know. ;)  Hopefully you will excuse me if I sometimes make no sense on here over the next 7 and a bit months...apparently it's happened a few times, so says my husband (pfft - what do men know?).  I told him that it's a normal thing as scientifically more blood flow is being directed to my placenta now rather than my brain....true story....look it up...and yes...I can hear you calling me placenta-brain Adam but I love you anyways. ;)

So anyways, I've been having this little inner struggle over this sleep dilemma of feeling like the world's laziest person but not having any power to do a thing about it.  So instead I find myself flipping like a fish out of water between pushing myself way too much or yielding totally to the power of nothingness.  However I do believe that I've had a breakthrough this week...an epiphany if you will.

On Monday night my two and a half year old daughter sprained her little ankle on our trampoline (insert whimpers of sadness here) and after getting it checked out twice (nothing wrong with a little paranoia..it can be healthy..and in fact proved to be so here as it turned out she also had some sort of throat/ear infection going on, but alas, I digress) it's been wrapped, propped, and iced for the last three days.


Observing my normally very active daughter refuse to walk for three days and be confined to a couch as the pain subsides and her ankle heals has been sad, but it has also taught me a little lesson.  Too many times we guilt ourselves into taking on too many tasks and then beat ourselves up, feeling like failures when we can't finish them all, or we finish feeling exhausted and miserable (or is that just me???)  Although it is important to set goals for ourselves, it is more important that we set realistic, attainable ones, and that we don't define ourselves by the end results of those goals.  Secondly, I've learned that sometimes our body does know a thing or two about what is best for us, whether it be more sleep, a glass of water instead of juice, or a brisk walk when we would rather plop on the couch.  It's important to listen to these cues before your brain is able to hijack your emotions and send you spinning on that not-so-merry-go-round of setting yourself up to (feel) like you've failed.

All of that being said, my goal is still to write a blog a week on here, but if I am absent for a week I trust you'll understand that I'm simply listening to my body's cues.

Until next wee... er, "time"
...Crystal